High-Compliance Exercise program

The world's largest woman revealed that the secret to her loss of a hundred pounds in the last year was an exercise program to which she was able to remain committed all year long. Her ex-husband, apparently extremely attracted to her shape, reunited with her – enabling her to "sexercise" 6-7 times per day. She says each encounter burns 500 Calories, which means her program burns 3000-3500 Calories per day beyond those involved in her ordinary activities.

Of his amorous efforts, she summarized: “He took charge as I couldn’t move much, but he was so attentive.”

Of course, the government will not be supporting fitness programs based on this finding despite the high-compliance nature of the exercise program. After all, this is the country where the Surgeon General was forced to resign for advocating masturbation as a way to survive adolescence free from pregnancy or STDs. Goodness knows we can't have an outcome like that.